she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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