I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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