I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
