Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
being pregnant is like rehab
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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