just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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