I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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