Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
