Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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