im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
