what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
accomplished twins. life is a go
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
