She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
