mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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