I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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