false alarm. still invincible.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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