Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
