last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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