Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
