nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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