I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
