I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My life is pants optional.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
