My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
