In the future we'll all be gay
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
