i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
