bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
