I'm going to jail i love you
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
