I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
