We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
