yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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