I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
