We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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