drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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