and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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