Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
