Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
