bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
