I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
