take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize