help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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