Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize