His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
