My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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