Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
