my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
