Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
