your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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