we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
