Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
