how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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