dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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