so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
