This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
