dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You smell like stripper and shame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
