Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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