So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
