By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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