why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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