it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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