Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
