My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
