His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize