i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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