Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
