Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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