Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
