Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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