So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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