He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
