you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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