hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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