Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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