I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Operation Purity has been aborted
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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