if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
