I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
