Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When are your genitals available?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
