im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
